The Ultimate Ugly Christmas Sweater List To Stand Out This Holiday

Need the perfect ugly Christmas sweater without a clue where to find one, or what kind will suit you best (or worst)?

Over the years and throughout my travels, I’ve found many a crazy Christmas jumper. Or, I’ve knit one myself. I’ve even patched one together to win a prize. Then there was that year I wrote an ugly Christmas sweater murder mystery party game…

All of that’s to say – I’ve worn my fair share of awkward, ugly, weird, and downright offensive holiday outfits.

These are my favorite ugly Christmas sweaters. “Favorite,” meaning, they fit my personal criteria: ugly, funny, unique, silly, or something that makes me spit out my tea. All *should* be available from the sellers I’ve linked to. Post more links in the comments (or link to a photo of you wearing one!). Let me know if something isn’t available, and I’ll update.

Shall we?

The Awkwardly Ugly Christmas Sweater

There’s awkward… and then there’s AWKWARD. These ugly Christmas sweaters toe the line between hilarious and cringe-worthy, and sometimes, downright scary.

Grab one of these when you definitely want noticing, or want to have complete strangers come up to you all night, starting random conversations. If nothing else, these are fantastic icebreakers for singles!

• A Gift…. To All Women
• Let’s Get Lit (pictured)
• Kiss Me Under the Mistletoe (uh, where’s the mistletoe? awkward…)
• Two Person Naughty and Nice
• Toilet Santa (pictured)
• Santa Baby Bum
• Butt Crack Santa
• Gassy Santa (pictured)
• Santa’s Probe (ouch)
• Deck the Halls With Dingleberries
• I Have a Big… Package For You

The Retro Ugly Christmas Sweater

Yea, I get it. You miss the ‘old days’, even if that was just a week ago. So you want to wear a fugly sweater that just honors your wacked interests in TV, movies, and/or culture. Hilariously, there are lots of options for you!

• The Grinch
• Oscar the Grouch
• Group Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
• She-Ra and He-Man
• Simpsons D’oh Ho-Ho
• Sonic the Hedgehog
• T-Rex Opening Presents
• Merry X-Mix / 80s Cat (pictured)
• 3 Clever Girls, aka Jurassic Park
• Krampus
• Darth Vader & Stormtrooper
• Official Street Fighter Ken vs Ryu (pictured)
• Official Street Fighter Blanka vs Bison
• Pac Mac Waka Waka
• Atari Old School Christmas Jumper
• Fab Yule Us (pictured)
• Granny Got Run Over By A Reindeer

The Hilarious Christmas Sweater

When you want to spread mirth and cheer throughout the holidays, you grab one of these hilarious options to spread joy and wonder. And lots of beer spat in laughter all over you.

• Ho Cubed [sweatshirt]
• Spoiler Alert: Santa is not Real [sweatshirt]
• Bah Hum Pug [sweatshirt]
• I’m With Scrooge [sweatshirt]
• Ninja Lights [sweatshirt]
• Snowman Nose Thief (pictured)
• Nutcracker (ouch)
• Gingerbread Ninjas, aka Gingas (pictured)
• Poopin’ Moose
• Crappy Holidays (pictured)
• Santa Riding a Unicorn

The Fine Line Between Sexy and… Not

 

Sure, you want a sweater that stands out this holiday season. So why not take the awkward, rude and just plain silly, and wrap it all up in some sex appeal? C’mon, you know you want to.

• ​Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire
• When I Think About You I Touch My Elf
• One Night Only Santa (Lights Up)
• Reindeer Climax (pictured)
• Snow’s Out Ho Ho Ho’s Out
• Where’s Ma Ho Ho Ho’s At?
• Reindeer Threesome
• Sexy Women
• Pole Dancing Elves
• Mrs. Clause on the Stripper Pole

The Just Plain Ugly Christmas Sweater

This section had me gagging. Just a teensy bit. Uh, not in a good way.

Yea, they aren’t THAT bad, and yet… don’t say I didn’t warn you. Happy clicking!

• Poinsettias and Plaid (pictured)
• Squirrelly Lights
• Grandma Made It, Right?
• Like Christmas Threw Up On Me
• Ornaments and Candy Canes
• Rein-Bears (a 6-pack of ‘beers’)
• Unicorn Rudolf
• Ornament Craziness
• Rainbow Tree

The More, Uh, Unusual Christmas Sweater

Most of these ugly Christmas sweaters offer up something different – perhaps moving parts, or sounds and effects. Or, they were just so out there, I had nowhere else to list them.

• Cats Caroling
• Creeping Santa (Santa actually moves!)
• Crackling Fireplace (lights up)
• Knit Crackling Fireplace (lights up)
• Zombie Santa
• Oh, Christmas Tree (lights up)
• Rudolf Gets Turned On (lights up)
• Laser Cat-Zillas (there should be lasers! There aren’t any) (pictured)
• Gassy Santa (with sound effects)
• Looks like Cocktails… (with a pocket to hold your drink)
• Crazy Cat Man (with bells)
• The Gift of Tacos
• Sharks in Sweaters
• 3D Moose
• Plumber’s Butt / Naked Male Chest (pictured below after the article)
• Chucky’s Back — For Christmas

The Obnoxious, No-Good, Very Bad Christmas Sweater

If you’re still with me… and laughing… then you’re probably waiting for the perfect ugly Christmas sweater that will possibly offend (many), and make others flock to you like elves to unicorn poop. You’re welcome.

• Ask Your Mom If I’m Real
• Jingle Bros (Jesus and Santa) (pictured)
• Go Jesus, It’s Your Birthday
• Excited Snowman
• Feel the Joy
• Deadpool (okay, not THAT obnoxious…)

The Ugly Christmas Sweater Party

You know you want to…. so why not throw a themed shindig, so that your friends can show off their horrible attire right along with you?

• Kit for People Who Forget their Sweaters Should be Horrifically Ugly (pictured all decked out)
• Party Banner
• Ballot Box
• Centerpiece
• ‘Danglers‘
• Rosette Award

Create Your Own Ugly Christmas Sweater

If you’re crafty, you’re probably not on this page. Still, you technically *could* learn to knit, sew, crochet or otherwise create your own masterpiece. Right?

• Christmas Pudding (knitting​)
• Christmas Past (knitting)
• Christmas Pullover (knitting)
• Multiple Variations on Christmas Jumpers (knitting)
• Santa Sitting on the Toilet (knitting) (pictured)
• Christmas Elf (knitting)
• ‘Cheeky’ Bah Humbug (knitting)
• Reindeer (knitting)
• Tacky Christmas Sweater (crochet)
• Minion Christmas Sweater (crochet)
• Darth Vader Christmas Sweater (crochet)
• 15 DIY Christmas Sweaters
• DIY Christmas Sweater (YouTube video)

Show Us Your Ugly Christmas Jumper!

I  *really* want to see all of your creations, suggestions, and ideas.

Maybe you have a DIY ugly Christmas sweater blog post, that you spent hours poring over. Post a link in the comments!

Perhaps you’re more of a ‘buy it’ kinda jolly person. That’s cool too. Pictures, dammit!

Or, and I really hope there are a few of you in this category – maybe you SELL ugly Christmas sweaters. Or make them. Please, pllllueeeaze, do share with us where down in the comments.

I’m finishing up a piece about ugly Christmas sweaters you can only find on Etsy, which take this whole concept to a brand-new level. Until then, my friends. Stay ugly. Or jolly. You pick.