- 3 Tell-Tale Signs of an Internet Dating Scam and What To Do - May 9, 2021
- Do You Love a Man With Asperger’s? Here’s How to Date Him [BOOK] - December 18, 2018
- Getting Past Your Breakup Book Review - December 17, 2018
Need the perfect ugly Christmas sweater without a clue where to find one, or what kind will suit you best (or worst)?
Over the years and throughout my travels, I’ve found many a crazy Christmas jumper. Or, I’ve knit one myself. I’ve even patched one together to win a prize. Then there was that year I wrote an ugly Christmas sweater murder mystery party game…
All of that’s to say – I’ve worn my fair share of awkward, ugly, weird, and downright offensive holiday outfits.
These are my favorite ugly Christmas sweaters. “Favorite,” meaning, they fit my personal criteria: ugly, funny, unique, silly, or something that makes me spit out my tea. All *should* be available from the sellers I’ve linked to. Post more links in the comments (or link to a photo of you wearing one!). Let me know if something isn’t available, and I’ll update.
Table of Contents
The Awkwardly Ugly Christmas Sweater
There’s awkward… and then there’s AWKWARD. These ugly Christmas sweaters toe the line between hilarious and cringe-worthy, and sometimes, downright scary.
Grab one of these when you definitely want noticing, or want to have complete strangers come up to you all night, starting random conversations. If nothing else, these are fantastic icebreakers for singles!
- Let’s Get Lit (pictured)
- Kiss Me Under the Mistletoe (uh, where’s the mistletoe? awkward…)
- Two Person Naughty and Nice
- Toilet Santa (pictured)
- Santa Baby Bum
- Butt Crack Santa
- Gassy Santa (pictured)
- Santa’s Probe (ouch)
- Let’s Get Baked Gingerbread Man
- Deck the Halls With Dingleberries
- I Have a Big… Package For You
The Retro Ugly Christmas Sweater
Yea, I get it. You miss the ‘old days’, even if that was just a week ago. So you want to wear a fugly sweater that just honors your wacked interests in TV, movies, and/or culture. Hilariously, there are lots of options for you!
- The Grinch
- Oscar the Grouch
- Alf Terribly Fugly Christmas Sweater
- Group Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
- She-Ra and He-Man
- Simpsons D’oh Ho-Ho
- Caddyshack Ugly Sweater
- Sonic the Hedgehog
- T-Rex Opening Presents
- Rainbow Brite or Women’s Rainbow Brite Hi-Low
- Merry X-Mix / 80s Cat (pictured)
- 3 Clever Girls, aka Jurassic Park
- Darth Vader & Stormtrooper
- Official Street Fighter Ken vs Ryu (pictured)
- Official Street Fighter Blanka vs Bison
- Pac Mac Waka Waka
- Care Bears Hi-Lo Women’s Ugly Sweater
- Atari Old School Christmas Jumper
- Fab Yule Us (pictured)
- Granny Got Run Over By A Reindeer
- A Christmas Story
- Trio of Gremlins Caroling
The Hilarious Christmas Sweater
When you want to spread mirth and cheer throughout the holidays, you grab one of these hilarious options to spread joy and wonder. And lots of beer spat in laughter all over you.
- Ho Cubed [sweatshirt]
- Spoiler Alert: Santa is not Real [sweatshirt]
- Yeti To Party
- Bah Hum Pug [sweatshirt]
- The Pandemic That Stole Christmas
- I’m With Scrooge [sweatshirt]
- Ninja Lights [sweatshirt]
- National Lampoon’s “Shitter’s Full” Ugly Sweater
- Snowman Nose Thief (pictured)
- Nutcracker (ouch)
- Gingerbread Ninjas, aka Gingas (pictured)
- Poopin’ Moose
- Crappy Holidays (pictured)
- Santa Riding a Unicorn
- Mele Kalikimaka Surfing Santa Ugly Christmas Sweatshirt
The Fine Line Between Sexy and… Not
Sure, you want a sweater that stands out this holiday season. So why not take the awkward, rude and just plain silly, and wrap it all up in some sex appeal? C’mon, you know you want to.
- Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire
- When I Think About You I Touch My Elf
- One Night Only Santa (Lights Up)
- Reindeer Climax (pictured)
- Humping 3D Reindeer (you’ll want to click on this one, it’s truly … something)
- Snow’s Out Ho Ho Ho’s Out
- Where’s Ma Ho Ho Ho’s At?
- Reindeer Threesome
- “Chest Snowflakes” (I debated what category this one was most suited for!)
- Sexy Women
- Pole Dancing Elves
- Mrs. Clause on the Stripper Pole
- Frisky Deer
The Just Plain Ugly Christmas Sweater
This section had me gagging. Just a teensy bit. Uh, not in a good way.
Yea, they aren’t THAT bad, and yet… don’t say I didn’t warn you. Happy clicking!
- Poinsettias and Plaid (pictured)
- Squirrelly Lights
- Kitty Trouble
- Grandma Made It, Right?
- The Ugliest Christmas Suit Ever
- Like Christmas Threw Up On Me
- Peppermint Candy
- Ornaments and Candy Canes
- Rein-Bears (a 6-pack of ‘beers’)
- Unicorn Rudolf
- Narwhal Ugly Christmas Jumper
- Ornament Craziness
- Rainbow Tree
- Sloth Ugly Christmas Sweater
The More, Uh, Unusual Christmas Sweater
Most of these ugly Christmas sweaters offer up something different – perhaps moving parts, or sounds and effects. Or, they were just so out there, I had nowhere else to list them.
- Cats Caroling
- Creeping Santa (Santa actually moves!)
- Reindeer Ring Toss (with actual 3D horns you can throw rings onto)
- Crackling Fireplace (lights up)
- I Heart Christmas HOHOHO Grinch, Christmas Tree and Star Sweater (LED lights)
- Knit Crackling Fireplace (lights up)
- Ugly Weiner Wonderland
- Zombie Santa
- Oh, Christmas Tree (lights up)
- Holiday Cheers! Santa Sweater with Actual Beer Holder
- Rudolf Gets Turned On (lights up)
- Laser Cat-Zillas (there should be lasers! There aren’t any) (pictured)
- Gassy Santa (with sound effects)
- Looks like Cocktails… (with a pocket to hold your drink)
- Crazy Cat Man (with bells)
- The Gift of Tacos
- Sharks in Sweaters
- 3D Moose
- Plumber’s Butt / Naked Male Chest (pictured below after the article)
- Santa vs Shark
- 3D Squirrel in the Christmas Tree
The Obnoxious, No-Good, Very Bad Christmas Sweater
If you’re still with me… and laughing… then you’re probably waiting for the perfect ugly Christmas sweater that will possibly offend (many), and make others flock to you like elves to unicorn poop. You’re welcome.
- Ask Your Mom If I’m Real
- Jingle Bros (Jesus and Santa) (pictured)
- Go Jesus, It’s Your Birthday
- Excited Snowman
- Feel the Joy
- Deadpool (okay, not THAT obnoxious…)
- Baby, It’s COVID Outside
The Ugly Christmas Sweater Party
You know you want to…. so why not throw a themed shindig, so that your friends can show off their horrible attire right along with you?
- Kit for People Who Forget their Sweaters Should be Horrifically Ugly
- Party Banner
- Christmas Party Accessory Kit
- Ballot Box
- Rosette Award
Create Your Own Ugly Christmas Sweater
If you’re crafty, you’re probably not on this page. Still, you technically *could* learn to knit, sew, crochet or otherwise create your own masterpiece. Right?
- Christmas Pudding (knitting)
- Christmas Past (knitting)
- Christmas Pullover (knitting)
- Multiple Variations on Christmas Jumpers (knitting)
- Santa Sitting on the Toilet (knitting) (pictured)
- Christmas Elf (knitting)
- ‘Cheeky’ Bah Humbug (knitting)
- Reindeer (knitting)
- Tacky Christmas Sweater (crochet)
- Minion Christmas Sweater (crochet)
- Darth Vader Christmas Sweater (crochet)
- 15 DIY Christmas Sweaters
- DIY Christmas Sweater (YouTube video)
Ugly Christmas Sweater Accessories
Sometimes you don’t want to go to the trouble of finding a sweater, or you want some extra jujzhe. These holiday accessories should prove useful!
- LED Green Christmas Tree Glasses
- Glowing 10′ Assorted Christmas Wands (6-pack)
- LED Christmas Jelly Rings (24-pack)
- LED Reindeer Headband
- Jumbo LED Light Necklace (2-pack)
Show Us Your Ugly Christmas Jumper!
I *really* want to see all of your creations, suggestions, and ideas.
Maybe you have a DIY ugly Christmas sweater blog post, that you spent hours poring over. Post a link in the comments!
Perhaps you’re more of a ‘buy it’ kinda jolly person. That’s cool too. Pictures or it didn’t happen.
Or, and I really hope there are a few of you in this category – maybe you SELL ugly Christmas sweaters. Or make them. Please, pllllueeeaze, do share with us where down in the comments.
I’m finishing up a piece about ugly Christmas sweaters you can only find on Etsy, which take this whole concept to a brand-new level. Until then, my friends. Stay ugly. Or jolly. You pick.